How does one become bored in the face of tons of paperwork and issues that need addressing? For the organized type, there simply shouldn't be any room for boredom. For the scatterbrained, one shouldn't worry about boredom until it becomes a problem. For the worrywart, boredom is another cause for endless sleepless nights and deep introspection. For the freebird, boredom is just what it is, so ride with the flow and don't waste another moment worrying about it.

I claim to be all of the above. No, I'm not somebody with MPD, but at one time or another, I have felt like an organized soul, a scatterbrain, a worrywart and a freebird.

Right now I am bored out of my skull. I have tried to concentrate harder on my work, but my monitor has become one white blur. I tried to distract myself by reading the paper, ate Boy Bawang and listened to yahoo music. Nothing works! All I want to do is get up, grab my bag and go someplace where I can scream and nobody will haul me to jail.

It's not that the work is hard, or repetitive even. I guess what got to me is the tunnel ahead. I see no way out of this humdrum existence in the near future. I have no plans, I have no savings, no pie in the sky and I simply have no more energy to do something about it.

Am I bored because I feel lazy? Perhaps. Am I bored because there's no challenge in my work? Not really. Am I bored being a mother and a wife? Not bloody likely. Am I bored because I can no longer do what I want regardless of the consquences? Most possibly.

I never aspired to become an adult. I did undergo the grown up dressing, the adult-acting phase and the turning serious mode but I never wanted to be considered a mature, responsible adult. It simply sounds so....boxed.

Afterall, what is it to be an adult, but being saddled with responsibilities right and left? To face every adversity like there is no tomorrow and to put up a brave front for everybody to remark that indeed, I have matured.

I know that I can still do my job as expected. Balance work with family, do the things that are expected of me. But why is it getting harder to get up everyday? Why is it that I feel like I'm drowning? Have I become so self-centered that I need the world to stop and pay attention to me in order to feel great?

I don't recall the last time that I felt exhilirated or giddy, or on top of the world. Drawing on my happy memory chest is getting harder everyday, and I'm quite scared because I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

I'm pretty sure that nobody has noticed it at work. After all, I'm good at being a clown. I also believe that my family thinks I'm doing fine because I haven't done anything to indicate that I'm not. But I feel like everything is a pretense. A going through the motions thing and I don't know how to stop it. I'm in a steady ride that is so straight and narrow, I want to jump out.

I don't even know if I'm too old or too young to be having a life crisis such as this and I don't care. I just want to stop feeling like everyday is the same as yesterday.