Taking The Plunge
When I was single, I used to think that the hardest part about married life is the financial side because the most common reason couples use for not tying the knot yet is financial instability.

Now that I've been married for four years, I know differently. Money, like the object that it is, is just money. It comes, it goes. But the hardest part about marriage is not tightening one's belt or foregoing things for yourself, but accepting that it is forever. Yeah, yeah in our present cynical world, we probably say you can always divorce your partner or simply leave if it becomes self-destructive. And yet, if all people think of these as their accepted options after marriage, then what's the point in taking the plunge at all?

Just the other day, my lone unmarried sister asked me if its really a sacrifice to stay married because according to her all her coteachers keep on bemoaning their fates. I for one would sing a similar tune to her from time to time. Sensing that she really wanted to get an honest opinion I took a moment before answering.

And then I told her, that yes, marriage can be a lot of things, not all of them good. And that there are really days when you question your decision to commit yourself to a lifelong partnership. And that when it gets really bad, I would simply wish I could leave or vanish for a while until I regain an ounce of courage to continue. And then I told her, that marriage is always subjective. It can never be put under a microscope and scrutinized until one's eyes turn blue so that a so-called marriage expert can make models of what a perfect marriage is. In my case, I told her its simply a decision at work.

She nodded as if she understood, but not wanting to scare her to the institution, I hurriedly explained that it is indeed common to complain about the travails of marriage but one should not base a decision from what one hears.

As Pinoys, we are famous for our false modesty (those violently reacting, write your own blogs) so it is indeed rare to hear somebody married extol the virtues of the union to the general public. Not once have I heard somebody say that " I am ecstatically happy in my married life" or " I am so happy I don't know why I didn't get married any sooner". Such lines can only be found in romance novels and sappy movies, because the truth is, even if one is indeed "ecstatically happy" with marriage, it sounds more admirable and therefore less "shallow" to say " yeah, I'm married and I'm surviving it". Call it twisted logic, but our race simply finds it hard to accept things as they are. We always have to take the pahumble route, or the braver path, as if its a sin to embrace happiness in its simplest form.

So, I told my beloved sister who's probably thinking of crossing this path, the reason why we complain and complain about how hard marriage is, and yet not do anything drastic about it, is because inspite of all the hardships, when it is good, it is REALLY GOOD. So much so that you can forget all the previous pain and suffering you may have experienced for the hope that the good feeling will last. And if it doesn't last, then we continue to hope that as long as we are both willing to try, it is bound to happen again. Optimistic? Naive? Foolish? Probably. I claim to be no expert but I bet, if you ask any divorced couple if it was all bad, nobody will say it was and no matter what became of that marriage, there will always be a cherished memory tucked in the farthest recesses of a partner's heart.